Happy Return

I had this in a newsletter back in 1999.  Unfortunately I didn't know the author, and it is so hilarious that I couldn't resist putting it up again when I came across it 9 years later.  Anyone know the author?!?!?!

I Took Him Back to Wal-Mart

My ex-husband and I fought constantly,
Why I married him, I'll never know.
For all those miserable years I said
My hubby has got to go!

Tried poisoning cakes, stripping his brakes,
Salting his pork chops with lime.
Wiring his chair, igniting his hair
Even though playing with fire is a crime.

But I failed at each plot 'til I suddenly thought
Of a way that would set me free!
I got rid of him for good and, know what?
They couldn't do a thing to me!

I took him back to Wal-Mart!
They'll take anything back, you know!
They said they couldn't recall selling him,
But they must have if I said so.

They just credited him to my Visa and said,
"Ya'll come back now, ya hear?"
They were so nice, polite, pleasant and insistent,
I took back his mother the next year!

They'll take anything back at Wal-Mart,
Though it's broken or rotten or sweet.
And know what else? This time of year
You don't even need a receipt!

Author Unknown