Halloween Joke Jar

HAPPY  HALLOWEEN HUMOR

Cut jokes apart and put in a jar alternating with Halloween wrapped candies.  Add a poem label to jar.

  1. Q:  What is the largest building in Transylvania?
    A:  The Vampire State Building.
  2. Q:  What do goblins and ghosts drink when they're hot and thirsty on Halloween?
    A:   Ghoul-aid!
  3. Q:  What is a Mummie's favorite type of music?
    A:   Wrap!
  4. Q:  Why do demons and ghouls hang out together?
    A:   Because demons are a ghoul's best friend.
  5. Q:  Where does a ghost go on Saturday night?
    A:  Anywhere where he can boo-gie!
  6. Q:  What do ghosts say when something is really neat?
    A:   "GHOUL!"
  7. Q.  What's a monster's favorite play?
    A.  Romeo and Ghouliet.
  8. Q:  What is a vampire's  favorite holiday?
    A:   Fangsgiving.
  9. Q:  What's it like to be kissed by a vampire?
    A:   It's a pain in the neck!
  10. Q:  Why did Dracula take cold medicine?
    A:   To stop his coffin.
  11. Q:  Why don't mummies take vacations?
    A:   They're afraid they'll relax and unwind!
  12. Q: What is Dracula's favorite kind of coffee?
    A:   Decoffinated!
  13. Q.  What kind of mistakes do spooks make?
    A.  Boo boos!
  14. Q:  Who did Frankenstein take to the prom?
    A:   His ghoul friend.
  15. Q:  What do you get when you cross a vampire and a snowman?
    A:   Frostbite.
  16. Q:  What would you get if you crossed a cocker spaniel, a French poodle and a ghost?
    A:   A cocker-poodle-boo!
  17. Q:  Do witches run spell checkers?
    A:  No, they are good spellers!
  18. Q:  Where does Dracula keep his valuables?
    A:  In a blood bank!
  19. Q:  Why do dragons sleep during the day?
    A.  So they can fight knights!
  20. Q.  What would you call the ghost of a door-to-door salesman?
    A. A dead ringer!
  21. Q.  Who won the skeleton beauty contest?
    A.  No body!
  22. Q.  Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
    A.  He didn't have the guts!
  23. Q.  What do skeletons say before they begin dining?
    A.  Bone appetit!
  24. Q.  What do witches put on their hair?
    A.  Scare spray!
  25. Q.  What's a haunted chicken?
    A.  A poultry-geist!
  26. Q.  Why did the monster eat a light bulb?
    A.  Because he wanted of a light snack!
  27. Q.  What do you call a person who puts poison in a person's corn flakes?
    A.  A cereal killer!
  28. Q.  What do you get when you drop a pumpkin?
    A.  Squash!
  29. Q.  Where does Dracula water ski?
    A.  On Lake Erie!
  30. Q.  When can't you bury people who live opposite a graveyard?
    A.  When they're not dead!
  31. Q.  What trees do ghouls like best?
    A.  Ceme-trees!
  32. Q.  Why are cemeteries in the middle of towns?
    A.  Because they're dead centres!
  33. Q.  What did the baby ghost eat for dinner?
    A.  A boo-loney sandwich!
  34. Q.  Why are graveyards so noisy?
    A.  Because of all the coffin!
  35. Q.  How can you tell if a corpse is angry?
    A.  It flips its lid!
  36. Q.  How do undertakers speak?
    A.  Gravely!
  37. Q.  Where do vampires wash themselves?
    A.  In the bat tub.
  38. Q.  What do you call a dog owned by Dracula?
    A.  A blood hound.
  39. Q.  Why does Dracula have no friends?
    A.  Because he's a pain in the neck.
  40. Q.  What was written on the hypochondriac's tombstone?
    A.  "I told you I was sick!" 
  41. Q.  Why do vampire babies not like baby food?
    A.  They like something they can sink their teeth into.
  42. Q.  When do vampires bite you?
    A.  On Wincedays!
  43. Q. Why did Dracula go to the orthodontist?
    A.  He wanted to improve his bite!
  44. Q.  Where do vampires keep their savings?
    A.  In blood banks.
  45. Q.  What happened at the vampire race?
    A.  They finished neck and neck!
  46. Q. Why didn't the skeleton go to the party ?
    A.  He had no body to go with!
  47. Q.  What's a vampire's favorite drink?
    A.  A Bloody Mary.
  48. Q.  What is Dracula's favorite fruit?
    A.  Neck-tarines.
  49. Q.  What happened to the boat that sank in the sea full of piranha fish?
    A.  It came back with a skeleton crew!
  50. Q.  How did the skeleton know it was going to rain?
    A.  He could feel it in his bones!
  51. Q.  What do you call a skeleton who won't get up in the mornings?
    A.  Lazy bones!
  52. Q.  What is a witch with poison ivy called?
    A.  An itchy witchy!
  53. Q.  When is it unlucky to see a black cat?
    A.  When you are a mouse!
  54. Q.  Why do black cats never shave?
    A.  Because 8 out of 10 cats prefer whiskas!
  55. Q.  Who are some of the werewolves cousins?
    A.  The whatwolves and whenwolves!
  56. Q.  Why do skeletons hate winter?
    A.  Because the cold goes right through them!
  57. Q.  Why are haunted houses so noisy in April?
    A.  That's when the ghosts do their spring screaming!
  58. Q.  What does an Australian witch ride on?
    A.  A broomerang!
  59. Q.  Girl Monster 1: "I hear you've met the perfect guy."
    A.  Girl Monster 2: "Oh yes, he's a bad dream come true!"
  60. Q.  What game do baby ghosts like to play?
    A.  Shriek-a-boo!
  61. Q.  What do ghosts serve for dessert?
    A.  Ice cream!
  62. Q.  Why do witches fly on brooms?
    A.  Vacuum cleaner cords aren't long enough!
  63. Q.  What was the witch's favorite subject in school?
    A.  Spelling!
  64. Q.  What do you call a friendly dead Egyptian?
    A.  A chummy mummy!
  65. Q.  What do you call a fat Jack-O-Lantern?
    A.  A plumpkin!
  66. Q.  Where do baby ghosts go during the day?
    A.  To a dayscare center!
  67. Q.  Why don't skeletons like parties?
    A.  They have no body to dance with!
  68. Q.  What was the favorite game at the ghosts' birthday party?
    A.  Hide and shriek!
  69. Q.  How does a witch tell time?
    A.  She looks at her witch watch!
  70. Q.  How does a monster score a football touchdown?
    A.  He runs over the ghoul line!
  71. Q.  What do the birds sing on Halloween?
    A.  Trick or tweet!
  72. Q.  Which story do all little witches love to hear at bedtime?
    A.  Ghoul Deluxe and the Three Scares!
  73. Q. Why are there fences around cemeteries?
    A.  People are dying to get in!
  74. Q.  Why wasn't there any food left after the monster party?
    A.  Because everyone was a goblin!
  75. Q.  Why do mummies make good employees?
    A.  They get all wrapped up in their work!
  76. Q.  What surgery does a vampire doctor perform?
    A.  Fly by night operations!
  77. Q.  What did the ghost buy for his Haunted House?
    A.  Home Moaner's Insurance.
  78. Q.  What has webbed feet, feathers, fangs and goes quack-quack?
    A.  Count Duckula!
  79. Q.  What would you get if you crossed a cow with a werewolf?
    A.  A hamburger that bites back!
  80. Q.  Why do bats fly at night?
    A.  Because they are afraid to drive!
  81. Q.  Why do spiders spin webs?
    A.  Because they don't know how to knit!
  82. Q.  Where do ghosts shop?
    A.  In bootiques!
  83. Q.  What's a ghost's favorite food?
    A.  I scream and boo-berry pie.
  84. Q.  Why did the monster eat a lamp?
    A.  He wanted a light snack!
  85. Q.  How do you make a skeleton laugh?
    A.  Tickle its funny bone!
  86. Q.  How did the ghost teacher explain the lesson on going through a wall?
    A.  She went through it again and again.
  87. Q.  Why didn't the teacher believe the ghost?
    A.  Because she could see right through him.
  88. Q.  What did Mrs. Tombstone say to Mr. Tombstone?
    A.  "Don't take me for granite!"
  89. Q.  Knock-knock.  Who's there?  Goblin.  Goblin who?
    A.  Goblin your candy will make your tummy ache!
  90. Q.  What days of the week do monsters like best?
    A.  Moon-day, Tombs-day, and Fright-day.
  91. Q.  What does a witch ask for when she checks into a hotel?
    A.  Broom Service!
  92. Q.  How can you tell if a school is haunted?
    A.  If it has school spirit!
  93. Q.  Knock, knock.  Who's there?  Thumping.  Thumping who?
    A.  Thumping green and slimy is crawling up your neck.
  94. Q.  What do you call a monster that is nine feet tall, has six arms and poisonous fingernails?
    A.  Sir!
  95. Q.  What do you get if you put a witch in the refrigerator?
    A.  A cold spell!
  96. Q.  What do short-sighted ghosts wear?
    A.  Spooktacles!
  97. Q.  What do you get when you cross a watchdog and a werewolf?
    A.  A very nervous postman!
  98. Q.  What do ghosts wear in the snow?
    A.  Boooooooooooooooooooooooots!
  99. Q.  How do you make a witch scratch?
    A.  Take away her W to make her itch!
  100. Q.  How do you fix a broken pumpkin?
    A.  With a pumpkin patch!
  101. Q.  Who do ghosts and ghouls go to see when they get sick?
    A.  Their primary scare physician.
  102. Q.  Why was the cannibal expelled from school?
    A.  He was buttering up his teacher.
  103. Q.  What did the cannibal order at the "All you can eat" restaurant?
    A.  Two waiters and a busboy.
  104. Q.  What does the little monster call his parents?
    A.  Mummy and Deady!
  105. Q.  What do you call a monster with no neck?
    A.  The Lost Neck Monster.
  106. Q.  What do you call a witch who lives at the beach?
    A.  A sand witch.
  107. Q.  What do you get when you cross a black cat with a lemon.
    A.  A sour-puss.
  108. Q.  What does the papa ghost say to his family when driving? 
    A.  Fasten your sheet belts!
  109. Q.  What is Beethoven doing in his coffin right now?
    A.   Decomposing.
  110. Q.  What kind of makeup do ghosts wear?
    A.   Mas-scare-a.
  111. Q.  What kind of music do ghosts listen to?
    A.   Sheet music.
  112. Q.  What did one ghost say to the other ghost? 
    A.  "Do you believe in people?" 
  113. Q.  What kind of tie does a ghost wear to a formal party?
    A.   A boo-tie.
  114. Q.  What is a ghoul's favorite flavor? 
    A.  Lemon-slime!
  115. Q.  Where do most werewolves live?
    A.   In Howllywood, California.
  116. Q.  Where does a ghost go on vacation?
    A.  Mali-boo.
  117. Q.  Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers? 
    A.  No, they eat the fingers separately!
  118. Q.  Why did the ghost go into the bar?
    A.  For the boos.
  119. Q.  Why do mummies have trouble keeping friends? 
    A.  They're so wrapped up in themselves!
  120. Q.  Why do mummies make excellent spies?
    A.   They're good at keeping things under wraps.
  121. Q.  Why doesn't anybody like Dracula?
    A.   He has a bat temper!
  122. Q.  Why don't witches like to ride their brooms when they're angry?
    A.   They're afraid of flying off the handle!

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