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HAPPY HALLOWEEN HUMOR
Cut jokes apart and put in a jar alternating with Halloween wrapped candies. Add a poem label to jar.
- Q: What is the largest building in Transylvania?
A: The Vampire State Building.
- Q: What do goblins and ghosts drink when they're hot and thirsty on Halloween?
- Q: What is a Mummie's favorite type of music?
- Q: Why do demons and ghouls hang out together?
A: Because demons are a ghoul's best friend.
- Q: Where does a ghost go on Saturday night?
A: Anywhere where he can boo-gie!
- Q: What do ghosts say when something is really neat?
- Q. What's a monster's favorite play?
A. Romeo and Ghouliet.
- Q: What is a vampire's favorite holiday?
- Q: What's it like to be kissed by a vampire?
A: It's a pain in the neck!
- Q: Why did Dracula take cold medicine?
A: To stop his coffin.
- Q: Why don't mummies take vacations?
A: They're afraid they'll relax and unwind!
- Q: What is Dracula's favorite kind of coffee?
- Q. What kind of mistakes do spooks make?
A. Boo boos!
- Q: Who did Frankenstein take to the prom?
A: His ghoul friend.
- Q: What do you get when you cross a vampire and a snowman?
- Q: What would you get if you crossed a cocker spaniel, a French poodle and a ghost?
A: A cocker-poodle-boo!
- Q: Do witches run spell checkers?
A: No, they are good spellers!
- Q: Where does Dracula keep his valuables?
A: In a blood bank!
- Q: Why do dragons sleep during the day?
A. So they can fight knights!
- Q. What would you call the ghost of a door-to-door salesman?
A. A dead ringer!
- Q. Who won the skeleton beauty contest?
A. No body!
- Q. Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
A. He didn't have the guts!
- Q. What do skeletons say before they begin dining?
A. Bone appetit!
- Q. What do witches put on their hair?
A. Scare spray!
- Q. What's a haunted chicken?
A. A poultry-geist!
- Q. Why did the monster eat a light bulb?
A. Because he wanted of a light snack!
- Q. What do you call a person who puts poison in a person's corn flakes?
A. A cereal killer!
- Q. What do you get when you drop a pumpkin?
- Q. Where does Dracula water ski?
A. On Lake Erie!
- Q. When can't you bury people who live opposite a graveyard?
A. When they're not dead!
- Q. What trees do ghouls like best?
- Q. Why are cemeteries in the middle of towns?
A. Because they're dead centres!
- Q. What did the baby ghost eat for dinner?
A. A boo-loney sandwich!
- Q. Why are graveyards so noisy?
A. Because of all the coffin!
- Q. How can you tell if a corpse is angry?
A. It flips its lid!
- Q. How do undertakers speak?
- Q. Where do vampires wash themselves?
A. In the bat tub.
- Q. What do you call a dog owned by Dracula?
A. A blood hound.
- Q. Why does Dracula have no friends?
A. Because he's a pain in the neck.
- Q. What was written on the hypochondriac's tombstone?
A. "I told you I was sick!"
- Q. Why do vampire babies not like baby food?
A. They like something they can sink their teeth into.
- Q. When do vampires bite you?
A. On Wincedays!
- Q. Why did Dracula go to the orthodontist?
A. He wanted to improve his bite!
- Q. Where do vampires keep their savings?
A. In blood banks.
- Q. What happened at the vampire race?
A. They finished neck and neck!
- Q. Why didn't the skeleton go to the party ?
A. He had no body to go with!
- Q. What's a vampire's favorite drink?
A. A Bloody Mary.
- Q. What is Dracula's favorite fruit?
- Q. What happened to the boat that sank in the sea full of piranha fish?
A. It came back with a skeleton crew!
- Q. How did the skeleton know it was going to rain?
A. He could feel it in his bones!
- Q. What do you call a skeleton who won't get up in the mornings?
A. Lazy bones!
- Q. What is a witch with poison ivy called?
A. An itchy witchy!
- Q. When is it unlucky to see a black cat?
A. When you are a mouse!
- Q. Why do black cats never shave?
A. Because 8 out of 10 cats prefer whiskas!
- Q. Who are some of the werewolves cousins?
A. The whatwolves and whenwolves!
- Q. Why do skeletons hate winter?
A. Because the cold goes right through them!
- Q. Why are haunted houses so noisy in April?
A. That's when the ghosts do their spring screaming!
- Q. What does an Australian witch ride on?
A. A broomerang!
- Q. Girl Monster 1: "I hear you've met the perfect guy."
A. Girl Monster 2: "Oh yes, he's a bad dream come true!"
- Q. What game do baby ghosts like to play?
- Q. What do ghosts serve for dessert?
A. Ice cream!
- Q. Why do witches fly on brooms?
A. Vacuum cleaner cords aren't long enough!
- Q. What was the witch's favorite subject in school?
- Q. What do you call a friendly dead Egyptian?
A. A chummy mummy!
- Q. What do you call a fat Jack-O-Lantern?
A. A plumpkin!
- Q. Where do baby ghosts go during the day?
A. To a dayscare center!
- Q. Why don't skeletons like parties?
A. They have no body to dance with!
- Q. What was the favorite game at the ghosts' birthday party?
A. Hide and shriek!
- Q. How does a witch tell time?
A. She looks at her witch watch!
- Q. How does a monster score a football touchdown?
A. He runs over the ghoul line!
- Q. What do the birds sing on Halloween?
A. Trick or tweet!
- Q. Which story do all little witches love to hear at bedtime?
A. Ghoul Deluxe and the Three Scares!
- Q. Why are there fences around cemeteries?
A. People are dying to get in!
- Q. Why wasn't there any food left after the monster party?
A. Because everyone was a goblin!
- Q. Why do mummies make good employees?
A. They get all wrapped up in their work!
- Q. What surgery does a vampire doctor perform?
A. Fly by night operations!
- Q. What did the ghost buy for his Haunted House?
A. Home Moaner's Insurance.
- Q. What has webbed feet, feathers, fangs and goes quack-quack?
A. Count Duckula!
- Q. What would you get if you crossed a cow with a werewolf?
A. A hamburger that bites back!
- Q. Why do bats fly at night?
A. Because they are afraid to drive!
- Q. Why do spiders spin webs?
A. Because they don't know how to knit!
- Q. Where do ghosts shop?
A. In bootiques!
- Q. What's a ghost's favorite food?
A. I scream and boo-berry pie.
- Q. Why did the monster eat a lamp?
A. He wanted a light snack!
- Q. How do you make a skeleton laugh?
A. Tickle its funny bone!
- Q. How did the ghost teacher explain the lesson on going through a wall?
A. She went through it again and again.
- Q. Why didn't the teacher believe the ghost?
A. Because she could see right through him.
- Q. What did Mrs. Tombstone say to Mr. Tombstone?
A. "Don't take me for granite!"
- Q. Knock-knock. Who's there? Goblin. Goblin who?
A. Goblin your candy will make your tummy ache!
- Q. What days of the week do monsters like best?
A. Moon-day, Tombs-day, and Fright-day.
- Q. What does a witch ask for when she checks into a hotel?
A. Broom Service!
- Q. How can you tell if a school is haunted?
A. If it has school spirit!
- Q. Knock, knock. Who's there? Thumping. Thumping who?
A. Thumping green and slimy is crawling up your neck.
- Q. What do you call a monster that is nine feet tall, has six arms and poisonous fingernails?
- Q. What do you get if you put a witch in the refrigerator?
A. A cold spell!
- Q. What do short-sighted ghosts wear?
- Q. What do you get when you cross a watchdog and a werewolf?
A. A very nervous postman!
- Q. What do ghosts wear in the snow?
- Q. How do you make a witch scratch?
A. Take away her W to make her itch!
- Q. How do you fix a broken pumpkin?
A. With a pumpkin patch!
- Q. Who do ghosts and ghouls go to see when they get sick?
A. Their primary scare physician.
- Q. Why was the cannibal expelled from school?
A. He was buttering up his teacher.
- Q. What did the cannibal order at the "All you can eat" restaurant?
A. Two waiters and a busboy.
- Q. What does the little monster call his parents?
A. Mummy and Deady!
- Q. What do you call a monster with no neck?
A. The Lost Neck Monster.
- Q. What do you call a witch who lives at the beach?
A. A sand witch.
- Q. What do you get when you cross a black cat with a lemon.
A. A sour-puss.
- Q. What does the papa ghost say to his family when driving?
A. Fasten your sheet belts!
- Q. What is Beethoven doing in his coffin right now?
- Q. What kind of makeup do ghosts wear?
- Q. What kind of music do ghosts listen to?
A. Sheet music.
- Q. What did one ghost say to the other ghost?
A. "Do you believe in people?"
- Q. What kind of tie does a ghost wear to a formal party?
A. A boo-tie.
- Q. What is a ghoul's favorite flavor?
- Q. Where do most werewolves live?
A. In Howllywood, California.
- Q. Where does a ghost go on vacation?
- Q. Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers?
A. No, they eat the fingers separately!
- Q. Why did the ghost go into the bar?
A. For the boos.
- Q. Why do mummies have trouble keeping friends?
A. They're so wrapped up in themselves!
- Q. Why do mummies make excellent spies?
A. They're good at keeping things under wraps.
- Q. Why doesn't anybody like Dracula?
A. He has a bat temper!
- Q. Why don't witches like to ride their brooms when they're angry?
A. They're afraid of flying off the handle!