Epitaphs (163)
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Collection © 1972 - 2002 by Shirley Thomas @ CraftSayings.com
  1. Here lies Fallin A. Parte
    Lost her teeth, sight & hearing
    and soon she couldn't even walk
    but then she really lost it all
    when she found she couldn't talk!

  2. Here lies Risa Yeast
    Her last words were:
    "Pardon me for not rising!"

  3. Here lies Otto B. Alive
    His last words:
    "What happened?"

  4. Here lies I. B. Knappin

  5. Here lies Willy Rott
    Faithful husband of
    Betty Will-Rott

  6. Here lies Betty Will-Rott
    Odds are she was
    a loving wife to Willy Rott.

  7. Here lies Diane Rott
    Loving daughter of
    Willy Rott and Betty Will-Rott

  8. Here lies Fester N. Rott
    He kept all his problems inside
    Where they ate at him til he died.

  9. We think here lies M. T. Tomb
    But you know what happens
    when you start to assume!

  10. In Memory of Barry D. Bones
    He was here but. . .
    his dog retrieved him!

  11. Here lies I. B. Chump
    He sowed, others reaped.

  12. Here lies Dr. Izzy Gone
    Pronounced men dead
    when they died,
    And the last time
    went along for the ride.

  13. Here lies Doobie Ghoulish
    Lost his head acting foolish

  14. Here lies I. B. Gone
    He was taking off
    but her husband was faster!

  15. I. M. Back
    AKA Count Dracula

  16. Here lies Tom Thumb
    He lived the big life
    in a small way.
    Til he got stepped on
    one fateful day.
    (put this on a very small stone)

  17. Here lies Jess Gough
    His wife yelled his name
    and he obliged!

  18. In memory of Wil B. Back
    He went away with Frosty.

  19. Here lies R. U. Next
    When they called his name
    he said, "No way!"
    But they took him anyway!

  20. Here lies Lea Ning
    She lived a life slightly tilted,
    right up to the day she wilted.
    (Put on a tilted tombstone.)

  21. Here lies Justin Thyme
    He's usually late,
    but made this date!

  22. Here lies I. Emma Spook
    She got her new fangled
    sheets in a big tangle.

  23. In Memory of Kerry M. Off
    Fought valiantly,
    but the ants won!

  24. Here lies I. Emma Ghost
    She tried to walk
    through a lamppost

  25. Final resting place of
    Mark A. Place
    X marks the spot.

  26. Here lies Barry M. Deep
    Wife said put him 10' deep,
    cause he was hard to keep!

  27. Here lies Berry D. Hatchet
    He was a cratchety old soul.
    We finally buried him in this hole!

  28. Here lies Lefty B. Hynde
    Ran off with a slut
    leaving his wife behind.
    But his wife caught up!

  29. Here lies Reid N. Weep
    Said his dealing was done in fun,
    but those he'd dealt to had a gun!

  30. Here lies Ruther B. Goffin
    Golfing is what he did for fun
    and finally got a hole in one!

  31. Here lies Ruther B. Fishin
    When the big one got away
    He jumped in
    and tried to take him anyway!

  32. Here lies Ted N. Buried
    Teased his Mom about her lisp,
    and now old Ted is but a wisp!

  33. Here lies Yul B. Next
    His last words: "I can't go now,
    just married Yetta Nother,"
    And now they're here together!

  34. Here lies Yetta Nother
    Married Yul B. Next
    and now here she is.

  35. Here lies Jaws
    His bite was bigger than his bark,
    but fate caught up in the dark!
    (Put on a tombstone with a big bite taken out of a corner.)

  36. U. R. Gone

  37. Here lies Sue D. Bum
    She tried to sue
    Slime from the maffia.
    But he knew the judge
    who said, "Off with ya."

  38. Here lies Hammond Eggs
    He  had a green pig
    and a green hen
    And he turned green
    before he went!

  39. Here lies Bill M. Lader
    All thought he
    was well-heeled,
    But collectors
    chased as he keeled!

  40. In memory of M. T. Box
    He was slick as a fox!

  41. Here lies John Borden
    Loving father to Lizzy Bordon
    May he rest in pieces.

  42. Here lies Justin Pieces
    He met up with Lizzy
    and she went off in a tizzy!

  43. Here lies I. M. Nekid
    The bill his wife
    forgot to pay. . .
    They come and
    took his suit away.

  44. R.I.P. Van Winkle
    Rest In Peace

  45. Here lies Manny Bones (or sub Rattle M. Bones)
    You can hear him roam
    with creaks and groans.

  46. Mummy B. Ware
    His life began to unravel.

  47. Will B. Hire and Ida Rose Hire
    "They didn't just expire
    They rose up higher."

  48. Here lies Dawn Under
    She always said:
    "Any day above ground
    Is a good day!"

  49. Here lies Ben Dover
    He came up
    and hit his head
    and then he
    keeled right over!

  50. Here lies I. B. Workin
    Office upstairs.

  51. Here lies B. A. Ghoul
    They made fun of his drool.
    He challenged them to a duel
    and he lost!

  52. Here lies Always Wright
    He married a pretty little lass
    who was full of pep and sass.
    She proved him wrong
    and he hit the gong!

  53. Here lies Jack B. Quick.
    He tripped over the candlestick!

  54. Here lies Merry Macon.
    "Getting there is half the fun!"

  55. In Memory of Tread B. Gone.
    He was recalled.

  56. Here lies Fido.
    He couldn't swallow that last bone
    And now he's gone to a happier home.

  57. Here lies Walter Dudley.
    He found out too late,
    Dobermans ain't cuddly.

  58. Here lies Bill Boller
    He got ran over
    by a steam roller!
    (Make the tombstone very tall & narrow
    to match the flattened Bill Boller.)

  59. Here lies Mary Lass.
    She missed the brake
    and hit the gas!

  60. Here lies Henry Blake
    He stepped on the gas
    instead of the brake.

  61. I was Fred.
    Now I'm dead!

  62. Here lies Mary Aster
    She should have j-walked
    just a little bit faster!

  63. Here lies C. Dracula
    (We hope!)
    Died 1236
    And 1342
    And 1458
    And 1527
    And 1635
    And 1703
    And 1823
    And 1995

  64. O. Ithurts
    Here I lie
    And no wonder I'm dead,
    for the wheel of a semi
    ran over my head.

  65. Here lies Lester More.
    4 shots with a 44.
    No Les, no more!

  66. Here lies Count Dracula
    Fangs for the Memories!

  67. Here lies the father of 29.
    There would have been more
    but he ran out of time!

  68. Here lie I bereft of breath,
    because a cough carried me off.
    Then a coffin they carried me off in.

  69. Ima Yak
    Here lies my wife.
    I bid her goodbye.
    She rests in peace
    and now so do I.

  70. Here lies Ron D. Vous
    He met up with death.

  71. Here lies Gil A. Teen
    A tisket, a casket,
    His head is in a basket

  72. Here lies Smiley.
    We buried him today.
    He lived the life of Riley
    when Riley was away.
    But Riley returned, by golly!

  73. Once I wasn't.
    Then I was.
    Now I ain't again!

  74. Bill D. Lyar
    Here lies Bill.
    He always lied,
    And he always will.
    He lied once too often
    And now he lies still!

  75. Miles O'Beard
    When your razor is dull
    but you need a shave. . .
    Think of the man
    who lies in this grave!

  76. Rest in peace Cousin Huet.
    We all know you didn't do it.

  77. Here lies good old Fred.
    A great big rock fell on his head.

  78. Dearly departed Brother Dave
    He chased a bear into a cave.

  79. Here lies dear old Brother Thor.
    He couldn't take it anymore.

  80. Here lies the body of Thomas Kemp.
    Who lived by the sword, and died by hemp.

  81. Here lies the body of Thomas Kemp
    Who lived by wool and died by hemp.

  82. Here lies I. B. Crisp.
    Fixed the toaster with a knife
    and got the shock of his life!

  83. Shirley B. Gone
    I TOLD you I was sick!

  84. Here lies the body
    of old Margaret Bent.
    She kicked up her heels
    and away she went.

  85. She always said
    her feet were killing her,
    but nobody believed her.

  86. Barry A. Live
    Here he lies
    but he never died!!

  87. Here he lies
    cold and hard,
    the last darn cat
    that pooped in my yard.

  88. Tomb it may concern
    Here I lie.

  89. R.I.P
    Alone at last!

  90. When I am dead and in my grave,
    and all my bones are rotten.
    While reading this you'll think of me
    when I am long forgotten!

  91. Phil Thee-Rich
    Here lies a miser who lived for himself,
    who cared for nothing but gathering wealth.
    Now where he is and how he fares,
    nobody knows and nobody cares.

  92. "That's All Folks"
    Mel Blanc
    1908 - 1989

  93. Speedy Demon
    He failed his breathalyzer test
    and now he lies with the rest.

  94. Anthony Drake
    Sacred to the memory of Anthony Drake
    Who died for peace and quietness sake.
    His wife was constantly scolding and scoffin,
    So he sought for repose in a twelve-dollar coffin.

  95. Here lies my wife in earthy mold,
    Who when she lived did naught but scold.
    Good friends go softly in your walking,
    Lest she should wake and rise up talking!

  96. Bea Quick
    May ye be in heaven an hour
    before the devil knows you're dead.

  97. On the 22nd of June
    Jonathan Fiddle
    went out of tune.

  98. Here lies C. Anna Slip
    Here lies the body of dear Anna,
    done to death by a banana.
    It wasn't the fruit that laid her low
    but the peel that made her go.

  99. Here lies Tannis Hyde
    His last words were
    "Two things I love most,
    good horses and beautiful
    women, and when I die I hope
    they tan this old hide of mine
    and make it into a lady's riding
    saddle, so I can rest in peace
    between the two things I love most."

  100. Professor I. N. Struct
    School is out.
    Teacher has gone home.

  101. Here lies Owen Moore
    Gone away
    owin' more
    than he could pay.

  102. In Memory of Ezekiel Pease
    He is not here
    but only his pod.
    Shelled out did Pease
    and went to his God.

  103. Here lies A. Brighton Penny
    If you're short on cash
    and don't have any,
    dig six feet deep
    and you'll find a Penny.

  104. Wil B. Late
    Here beneath rest the ashes
    of a man who was in habit
    of always postponing
    everything until the day after.
    But at last he improved did he,
    and really died Jan. 31, 1873.

  105. Here lies Mia Doolittle
    Last words:
    So much to do, so little done.

  106. Ima Tunn
    Open, open wide ye golden gates
    that lead to the heavenly shore.
    Father suffered in passing through
    And mother weighs much more.

  107. Here lies Sue
    Age 102
    The good die young!

  108. Anonymous
    I was somebody.
    Who, is no business
    of yours.

  109. In Memory of Ole Piney Wood
    Here lies one Wood
    enclosed in wood,
    one Wood within another.
    The outer wood is very good.
    We cannot praise the other

  110. Here lies Ann Mann.
    She lived an old maid
    and died an old Mann.

  111. In Memory of Mr. Peter Daniels
    Beneath this stone and lump of clay
    lies Uncle Peter Daniels,
    who too early in the month of May
    took off his winter flannels.

  112. Here lies Foote N. Mouf
    Last Words:
    Either that wallpaper
    goes, or I do.

  113. I. Gotya
    You can be a king or a street sweeper,
    but everyone dances with the Grim Reaper.

  114. James Wyatt
    At rest beneath this slab of stone
    Lies stingy Jimmy Wyatt.
    He died one morning just at ten,
    And saved a dinner by it.

  115. In memory of Bea Goode
    All you that do behold my stone,
    Consider how soon I was gone.
    Death does not always warning give.
    Therefore be cautious, how you live.
    Repent in time, no time delay.
    In my youth I was called away.

  116. "If you would not be forgotten,
    As soon as you are dead and rotten,
    Either write things worthy of reading,
    Or do things worthy of writing."
    --Benjamin Franklin, May 1738

  117. Here lies Skare D. Kat
    Snuck up on the witch
    & booed her cat
    The witch caught up
    And he went splat!

  118. Here lies I. B. Goblin
    Adults feared him.
    Kids jeered him.
    Adopted, he never fit in.
    Now he's happy with his kin.

  119. Here lies Ima Gobblin
    Always had a big hunger and thirst
    Finally drank and ate 'til she burst.

  120. Here lies the mouse
    that ate my cheese. . .
    Feet straight up,
    pretty as you please!

  121. Here lies I. B. Smokin.
    He made an ash of himself.

  122. Miss N. Cranium
    She fell out of bed
    and off rolled her head!

  123. O. M. Jones
    Here lies the bones
    of Old Man Jones.

  124. Jack O. Lantern
    On a cold windy night,
    Poof, out went his light!

  125. Here lies Rig O. Mortis
    With his wife had a tiff
    And now he is a poor old stiff!

  126. Here lies Stone Cold
    Lost his hold
    And got knocked out cold!

  127. I. M. Gonn

  128. C. Yalater

  129. Here lies Ima Gonner 
    Her husband caught her
    with her other!

  130. Here lies Dedd N. Gonn
    Gone but not forgotten!

  131. Hal O. Ween
    The epitome of fright.
    Born October 31st, year unknown
    Died October 31st, year unknown

  132. Here lies I. M. Agoner
    Bet all his money on
    a horse that had been fast
    But then that horse
    fell and came in last!

  133. Here lies poor ole Flynn
    Liquor and women did him in!

  134. Here lies Ben Better
    "Things may be coming up roses
    But I could be better I supposes."

  135. N. A. Coffin
    Had a coughin' fit,
    Just couldn't quit!

  136. I. M. Gone
    Do ya miss me?

  137. Here lies Frank N. Stein
    In a box of mismatched pine.

  138. Here lies Jimmy Hoffa
    Still hiding from the maffia
    (Put it a little hidden by itself.)

  139. Here lies Count Dracula
    Bat's all folks!

  140. Here lies I. M. Broke
    He contentedly
    died penniless. . .
    with great timing,
    no more, no less!

  141. Here lies Jim Migg,
    who cordially invites
    you to dig!

  142. Here lies Mary Berms
    She used to worry about germs.
    But now the germs (and her)
    are being eaten by worms!

  143. I. M. Vacant
    Add your name here!

  144. Here lies the Pillsbury Dough Boy,
    May he rise again!

  145. Mary, Mary, quite contrary
    How does your garden grow?
    Quite well I bet
    Since it's well fed
    By you below!

  146. Here lies Mary Lagged
    She should have zigged
    When she zagged!

  147. Here lies I. M. Slick
    It does our hearts much good
    to see you in a box of wood!

  148. Here lies Myra Manes
    But her mind is. . .
    off wondering again.

  149. Bea Fraid
    She always found the
    dark to be a fright.
    Wouldn't go anywhere
    without her nightlight.
    (Get clever and hook a nightlight
    up on a tombstone!)

  150. Here lies Drinke N. Driver
    He took time from work,
    by bourbon required.
    Then he took to the road
    and now he's semi-retired.

  151. Here lies I. M. Adedman
    She caught him in bed
    and now he's dead.
    His wife used a gun
    and blew away his fun!

  152. Here lies the popular,
    Kevin O'Tool,
    who thought it was cool
    to smoke in school.

  153. Here lies a Hell's Angel
    Still a wandering and revvin'
    Cause he's too cool for Hell
    but still too hot for heaven.

  154. Here lies Al E. Kat
    Caught a fishbone in his throat
    And now he sings an angel's note.

  155. Here lies Vlad the Impaler
    He used to swallow swords for fun
    Til he bit off more than he could chew,
    And that time became the last one!

  156. Wuzza Cheeter
    In loving memory
    from your grieving widow
    You slept with them all
    Now lets see where you go!

  157. Here lies three blind mice.
    They chased after the farmer's wife
    And the farmer didn't think it was nice!

  158. Farewell my young companions all.
    From death's arrest no age is free.
    Remember this, a warning call.
    Prepare to follow after me.

  159. While living men my tomb do view,
    Remember well, there's room for you.

  160. Stop by my friends as you pass by,
    As you are now so once was I.
    As I am now you some day will be.
    Prepare for death and follow me.

  161. A time ago I stood there with you,
    And viewed the dead as you do me.
    Before you know it, you'll be here too
    While others stand and gaze at thee.

  162. Pearl E. Gates
    When they opened those gates
    Pearl canceled all her dates!

  163. Here lies Les More.
    No less, no more.