Cut sayings apart, fold and put favorites into a jar with mints.  Decorate top of jar and add poem. (Picture provided by Eileen.  Thanks!)

New ones at end!

1. Never eat and run.  Haste makes waist.
2. No diet is impossible, hopeless maybe, but not impossible!
3. Red meat is NOT bad for you.  Fuzzy green meat is bad for you.
4. Without flab you wouldn't have love handles!
5. Belly building is more fun and easier than body building!
6. Dieting is no piece of cake!
7. Blessed are those who hunger and thirst, for they are sticking to their diet.
8. It's too easy to "fudge" a diet!
9. He who stuffeth, puffeth.
10. Try the garlic diet.  You don't lose much weight, but from a distance your friends think you look thinner.
11. God must love calories!  He made so many of them.
12. Life is uncertain.  Eat dessert first.
13. There is no love sincerer than the love of food.
14. When you eat something fattening, cancel out the calories with a diet soda.
15. No Frills Diet:  No Salt.  No Fat.  No Fun.
16. A sure-to-work diet is the Eat Only What You Hate Diet!
17. Tomorrow’s another diet.
18. When dieting, won't power is better than willpower.
19. To diet is to no thyself.
20. Thoink thin! Thoink thin!
21. Don't wail on the scale if you cheat when you eat.
22. Good tastes make big waists.
23. No BODY is perfect.
24. Life is full of ups and pounds.
25. By the yard it may be hard, but by the inch it's a cinch!
26. Watch your weight.  Put it right out there where you can see it.
27. You are what you eat.  Eat only rich foods.
28. It is bad to suppress laughter.  It goes back down and spreads to your hips.
29. It is natural to get heavier as we get older, because we have retained a lot of information!
30. Let your contour be your guide.
31. If you follow a diet too closely, you will keep gaining on it!
32. Scientists have discovered that leaving clothes in dark closets over a long period of time causes shrinkage.  Women on diets already knew that!
33. We are what we eat, so don't be a garbage can!
34. The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat are really good friends.
35. Boost the economy.  Skip dieting and buy larger clothes, Twinkies, Bon Bons, chocolate. . .
36. The oldest diet is fasting.
37. Broken cookies are calorie-free because all of the calories have escaped.
38. Dieting is for those who are thick and tired of it.
39. The first thing dieters lose is a sense of humor.
40. All successful dieters exercise -- their self-control.
41. Consumption is a treatable disease.
42. Overweight people are allergic to food.  They break out in fat.
43. The best way to lose weight is by skipping...snacks and desert.
44. A waist is a terrible thing to mind.
45. You're not overweight.  You're undertall.
46. Those who indulge, bulge.
47. He sees you when you're eating.
48. Carrot cake counts as a serving of vegetables.
49. Dieting is the penalty for exceeding the feed limit.
50. Denial is not a river in Egypt!
51. Inside is a thin person struggling to get out, but she can usually be sedated with a few pieces of chocolate cake.
52. Those who say "Nothing tastes as good as thin feels" haven't tasted real chocolate!
53. When you cheat on your diet, you gain in the "end."
54. The second day of a diet is always easier.  By the second day you're off it!
55. A moment on the lips, forever on the hips.
56. Forget the day, seize the Danish.
57. A pinch of this, a dash of that, a sprinkle or two, but leave out the fat.
58. Dieting is mind over platter.
59. A balanced diet:  Two cookies -- one in each hand.
60. The #1 cause of people slipping off diets . . food!
61. When you're not getting enough nutrition from a diet, add a second diet.
62. Fat cells hang out together.
63. If you can take a diet to some length, it will change your width.
64. Count your blessings with your calories.
65. There's nothing light about cellulite.
66. Brain cells die and are gone forever, but fat cells live on forever and a day.
67. Seconds count especially when you're dieting.
68. Most dieters end up poor losers.
69. When you have only one meal a day, make it breakfast, lunch and supper.
70. Dieting is wishful shrinking.
71. Calorie counters have the figures to prove it.
72. Food used for medicinal purposes, such as hot chocolate, brandy, toast and Sara Lee Cheesecake, do not have calories.
73. Snacks are a food group.  You just have to group them before eating them!
74. Pig out... on a good book!
75. No eating between snacks!
76. Eat something from each of the Four Food Groups everyday:   Coffee, Ice Cream, Beer, Pizza
77. Weight has a weigh of snacking up on you.
78. Doughnut holes don't have calories.
79. Don't take fat chances, only slim ones.
80. Studies show that most people gain weight in certain places -- like bakeries and restaurants.
81. Square meals make round people.
82. To eat is human, to over-indulge is divine.
83. Having a perfect body isn't difficult -- it's impossible.
84. Eat something from each of the Four Food Groups everyday:  Brownies, Chocolate Cake, Fudge, Diet Coke
85. One should eat to live, not live to eat!
86. Ewe's not fat, ewe's fluffy.
87. The seefood diet is the only fail-proof diet.  See food.  Eat food.
88. Dieting is the cherry pits.
89. If you gain five pounds, it's water.  If you lose five pounds, it's fat!
90. Taste makes waist.
91. A middle age spread is the result of too many nights round the table.
92. Another deep breath take, and do without that chocolate cake!
93. Milk chocolate is a dairy product.
94. Eat a chocolate before each meal.  It will take the edge off your appetite and you will eat less.
95. If God had meant us to be thin, He would NOT have created chocolate.
96. Chocolate is an essential nutrient.
97. To have one’s diet defeated by chocolate is a delectable defeat.
98. A nice box of chocolate provides your total daily intake of calories in one place.  Isn't that handy?
99. The preservatives in chocolate will make you look younger.
100. If not for chocolate, there would be no need for control-top pantyhose and an entire garment industry would be out of business.
101. God sends no stress that prayer and chocolate cannot handle!
102. When the diet gets tough, the tough get chocolate.
103. I achieved my New Year's resolution.  I cleaned out the cupboards and fridge of all the junk food left from Christmas.  Gosh am I full!
104. Most women can stay on the phone longer than on a diet!
105. Why does everything taste so good when you're on a diet?
106. I may be fat, but you're ugly... and I can diet!
107. The west wasn't won on salad.  -- ND Beef Council, billboard advertisement, 1990
108. So much food, so little time.
109. I'm not fat. According to the weight charts, I'm just too short.
110. Please, don't squeeze the love handles.
111. When you go to the weight loss center: Stop, Look & Lessen!
112. Diets are for women who not only kept their girlish figure but doubled it.
113. Veni, vidi, vegi.  I came, I saw, I had salad.
114. The perfect food would taste as good as fresh buttered popcorn smells and of course would have no calories.
115. It’s hard to keep your chin up when you have more than one.
116. Some people eat to live.  I live to eat.
117. Calories smell so good!
118. Upscale:  The results of cheating on your diet.
119. Some of my best friends are calories.
120. I might not be so plump if I didn't have to eat all the "evidence!"
121. Middle Age Spread. . . Too many nights round the table.
122. I'm not afraid of heights.  But I fear widths!
123. Bear with me, I'm dieting.
124. I drive too fast to worry about cholesterol.
125. Childhood is that wonderful time in life when all you have to do to lose weight is take a bath!
126. Rules for dieting - When you eat with someone else, calories don't count if you do not eat more than they do.
127. I'm watching my weight.  I'm putting it right out there where I can see it.
128. Have you heard of the garlic diet?  You don't lose much weight, but from a distance your friends think you look thinner.
129. Everything good in life is either illegal, immoral or fattening!
130. Stuff & puff!
131. At least I'm safer.  Fat people are harder to kidnap
132. Dieting Zone.  No food allowed within 20 feet.
133. I never met a cookie I didn't like.
134. When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country.  I think I'll raid the fridge.
135. When Mom's on a diet, everyone is one a diet.
136. I must be following my diet too closely. I keep gaining on it.
137. Amazing! You just hang something in your closet for a while and it shrinks two sizes.
138. Fatty four by four, don't touch that fridge door.
139. We never skimp on groceries. Our family is well fed. That's why our added poundage, is called the high priced spread.
140. We don't skinny dip. We CHUNKY DUNK!
141. By the time I'm thin, fat will be in. 
142. Nothing tastes better than thin feels.]
143. If we are what we eat, I am fast, cheap and easy.
144. It is time to diet when you are voted "Most likely to blot out the sun!"
145. Give us this day our daily bread, but please hold the creamy butters. Just give me celery and carrot sticks, although bacon and eggs are my druthers!
146. I used to be a hippie.  Now I am hippie.
147. Blupper: When you have only one meal a day, breakfast, lunch and supper.
148. Ever long for the weigh we were?
149. I'm not fat.  I'm a nutritional overachiever.
150. Philosophers say the key to achieving true inner peace is to always finish what you start, so be sure to finish those bags of chips, gallons of ice cream, packages of cookies and boxes of chocolates!  You'll feel much better.
151. Workaholic Diet:  Eat only when it's on the expense account.
152. The advantage of exercising every day is that you die healthier.
153. I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.
154. Calorie Chart:  Changing your mind... 25, Balancing the books... 25, Lying down on the job... 25, Tooting your own horn... 30, Passing the Buck... 50, Hitting the nail on the head... 50, Sidestepping responsibility...50, Grasping at straws... 75, Beating around the bush... 75, Bending over backwards... 75, Jumping to conclusions... 75, Running up bills... 90, Swallowing pride...90, Dragging your heels... 100, Jumping on the bandwagon...100, Jogging the memory... 125, Stretching the truth...150, Climbing the walls... 150, Eating crow... 225, Pushing your luck... 250, Wading through paperwork... 300, Throwing your weight around... 300, Kicking bad habits... 325, Running around in circles... 350, Making mountains out of molehills... 500.
155. I'm not fat, I'm just hipper than most.
156. Only in America do people order a double cheese burger,  large fries and a diet coke.
157. Lord, If you cannot make me skinnier, please make my friends fatter.
158. Principles have no real force except when one is well fed. -- Mark Twain
159. Don't dig your grave with your own knife and fork. -- English Proverb
160. If we are what we eat, I must be a garbage can!
161. It took years of perfected neglect to get a body like this.
162. Diet is a four letter word.
163. Gobble 'til you wobble.
164. Some eat to live.  Others live to eat.
165. An adult is someone who stopped growing, except in the middle.
166. We all get heavier as we get older because there's a lot more information in our heads.
167. No one ever tells Santa to watch his weight.
168. WARNING!  Woman on diet!
169. No fat, no calories, no cholesterol and no taste.
170. I have a million-dollar figure, but it's all in loose change.
171. How do we gain two pounds by eating a half pound of fudge?
172. Figures don't lie, especially mine.
173. My heart "bees" in sweets.
174. A good cook is like a sorceress who dispenses happiness.
175. Diet Goal:  To weigh what my driver license says.
176. Never ask a cowgirl how wide her spread is.
177. I'm on a 30 day diet.  So far I've lost 10 days.
178. I've been on my diet two weeks and so far all I've lost is fourteen days.
179. I diet.  I dye it blonde.  (sub brunette, auburn, etc.)
180. Lord, help!  The devil wants me fat!
181. Too much pigging out makes a pig!
182. Eat, drink and be merry, for tomorrow we diet.
183. Never eat more than you can lift. -- Miss Piggy
184. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.
185. The hardest part of dieting isn't watching what you eat.  It's watching what your friends eat.
186. My ultimate dream job would be taste testing.
187. Purrhaps we should diet.  (with cat)
188. My low fat diet is really working.  The fat hangs lower everyday.
189. All my teeth are sweet tooths.
190. I'm on a seefood diet.  I see food.  I eat food.
191. I have more rolls than a baker.
192. I'm built for comfort, not speed.
193. There's only one thing standing between me off my diet. . . food!
194. I'm on two diets.  One didn't supply enough food.
195. I'm a diet dropout.
196. I ate my willpower.
197. The dog ate my willpower.
198. I am a great connoisseur of all good food and I take my work very seriously.
199. A glutton is one who digs his grave with his teeth.   -- French Proverb 
200. I am not a glutton.  I am an explorer of food.
201. May all my chances be slim, not fat!
202. My scale said  "One person at a time!"
203. Elephants are elegant creatures, thank you!
204. I keep trying to lose weight, but it keeps finding me.
205. I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to eat vegetables.
206. My family eats from the four food groups everyday...  Fast, Frozen, Canned and Microwaveable
207. Golfers Diet:  Stay on the greens.
208. Don't make your tummy for a waist basket.
209. More die in the United States of too much food than of too little.
210. The cardiologist's diet:  If it tastes good, spit it out.
211. One should eat to live, not live to eat.  -- Cicero
212. If you hang your swimsuit on the refrigerator door, the goodies inside will be easier to ignore.
213. I've decided that perhaps I'm bulimic and just keep forgetting to purge.  -- Paula Poundstone
214. The bathroom scale is a modern torture device.
215. People are so worried about what they eat between Christmas and the New Year, but they really should be worried about what they eat between the New Year and Christmas.
216. If nature had intended our skeletons to be visible it would have put them on the outside of our bodies. 
217. Avoid any diet that discourages chocolate.
218. I never worry about diets.  The only carrots that interest me are those you get in a diamond.  -- Mae West
219. Rich, fatty foods are like destiny:  they too, shape our ends.
220. I'm on a seafood diet.  I see food and I eat it.
221. Stressed spelled backwards is desserts.  Coincidence?  I think not!
222. Gluttony is an emotional escape, a sign something is eating us. 
223. No diet will remove all the fat from your body because the brain is entirely fat.  Without a brain, you might look good, but all you could do is run for public office. -- George Bernard Shaw
224. Food is like sex:  when you abstain, even the worst stuff begins to look good.
225. It is a hard matter, my fellow citizens, to argue with the belly, since it has no ears. -- Plutarch
226. I have gained and lost the same ten pounds so many times over and over again my cellulite must have déjà vu.
227. To lengthen your life, shorten your meals. 
228. If you really want to be depressed, weigh yourself in grams.
229. You know it's time to diet when you push away from the table and the table moves.
230. If food is your best friend, it's also your worst enemy.
231. A diet usually reduces your willpower instead of your waistline.
232. The commonest form of malnutrition in the western world is obesity.
233. Flabbergasted, adj.  Appalled over how much weight you have gained.
234. Clogged with yesterday's excess, the body drags the mind down with it.  -- Horace
235. We rarely repent of having eaten too little.  -- Thomas Jefferson
236. All people are made alike of bones and flesh and dinner.  Only the dinners are different and decide if we'll be fat or thinner!
237. Some light eaters begin to eat as soon as it is light.
238. Gluttony is not a secret vice.
239. My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four.  Unless there are three other people. -- Orson Welles
240. The best way to lose weight is to check it as airline baggage.
241. If you wish to grow thinner, diminish your dinner.
242. Probably nothing in the world arouses more false hopes than the first few hours of a diet.
243. Obesity is immensely widespread.
244. A good reducing exercise consists in placing both hands against the table edge and pushing back.
245. Don't go out of your weigh to please anyone but yourself.
246. Overweight is often just desserts.
247. The most popular books are cookbooks and diet books.  One tells us how to prepare delicious treats and the other tells us how to avoid it!
248. Eat right. Stay fit. Die anyway.

249. I don't have an eating problem. I eat and I get fat and I buy new clothes. No Problem!

250. I was cut out to be thin, but I got sewn up wrong.

251. If you gain five pounds, its water.  If you lose five pounds, it's weight.

252. Lord, if I must get my just desserts, please make them chocolate.

253. Whether you're thick or thin is a matter of taste.
254. Those who get too big for their britches are exposed in the end.
255. What makes the Leaning Tower of Pisa lean?  It doesn't eat.
256. It's not the minutes eating that put on the pounds, but the seconds.
257. Caution:  Hungry dieter... may bite if provoked.
258. Two things one should never eat before breakfast:  Lunch and dinner
259. Don't be large.  Take charge!  Command your own barge!
260. Have fork, will travel.
261. Be fit, not fat!
262. Obesity is a growing problem.
263. Some people weight too long before going on a diet!
264. Sign on a stadium in China: Stadium holds 120,000 Chinese or 80,000 Americans.
265. The Fast Diet:  Don't eat... FAST!
266. Loose lips, broad hips!
267. As I wake up from my sleep, I pray my diet I may keep, but if temptation makes me slip, I pray the Lord my pants won't rip.
268. An apple pie without some cheese is like a kiss without a squeeze.
269. Drinking four glasses of water before every meal will help you lose weight, because you'll burn up a lot of calories running to the bathroom.
270. Break the pound barrier:  Diet
271. It's not all me.  I have an overactive fork!
272. Get your rear in gear!  Exercise!
273. I'm no a low fat, high stress diet... coffee and fingernails.
274. Dear Lord, So far today, I have not been self indulgent, sat in front of the TV all day, or raided the fridge.  However, I am going to get out of bed soon, and then I'm going to need your help!  Amen
275. Touch your knees and then your toes, and wish you'd skipped those Oreos!
276. Move your TV far from your refrigerator so you'll get lots of exercise.
277. Books whose authors are as interesting as the book:  Eating Disorders by Anna Rexia, Loving the Weight You Are by Ella Funt, Italian Foods by Pepe Roni, Meat Eaters by Carnie Vorus, Low Fat Pork Recipes by Lena Bacon, Continental Breakfasts by Roland Butter, Indulge in Chocolate by Ken I. Havesum, Burning Calories by X. R. Cise, Leave the Fat Behind by Phat E. Butz, and Lose those Pounds by Ima Loser
278. He who fudges, pudges.
279. A little fudge can lead to a little pudge.
280. I abandoned my diet for desserts.  I guess that makes me a desserter!
281. Eat only at classy restaurants so you don't gain weight in the wrong places.
282. If your dog is fat, you're not getting enough exercise.
283. Bless me Lord, for I have thinned!
284. Cutting the fat is where it's at.
285. Good things come to those who watch their weight.
286. Think sweet thoughts, not thoughts of sweets.
287. My first kiss was the sweetest... It was chocolate!
288. Double your pleasure, double your fun.  Eat two boxes of chocolate instead of just one!
289. If swimming is good exercise and slimming, what happened to whales?
290. Dieting is no picnic.
291. If you don't watch your figure, no one else will.
292. I have a weight problem.  I can't wait to eat!
293. The difference in weighting 100 pounds and 200 pounds is the first forgoes dessert and the other goes for dessert.
294. ICU812 (I see you ate one too.)
295. Gainful employment is working in a chocolate factory!
296. Born to be wide.
297. I have the body of a God... Buddha.
298. Dieting is no piece of (chocolate) cake!
299. Don't be hungry for food.  Be hungry for life.
300. Walking for exercise is a step in the right direction.
301. Deja brew is the feeling that you've had the coffee before.
302. To feel "fit as a fiddle," you must tone down your middle.
303. It isn't the travel that's broadening.  It's all that rich foreign food.
304. I'm a big woman for a reason.  It takes a big body to contain all this fabulousness!
305. I don't keep fit but I have one from time to time.
306. Exercise is one of discretion.
307. Too many people confine their exercise to jumping to conclusions, changing their minds, running up bills, stretching the truth, lying down on the job, passing the buck, dragging their heels, sidestepping responsibility, making mountains out of molehills and pushing their luck.
308. The rich would have to eat money if the poor did not provide food  -- Russian proverb

Clip Art Credit:  http://www.clipsahoy.com

Many more sayings coming!  Submit yours too!
Sign up for 25 new sayings each week plus much more in weekly newsletter!